don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Randomize
