he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
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