we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
