a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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