i just made my gag reflex go away.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
