Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
