It's Friday. Sex?
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
