I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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