eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
