New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
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