she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
