I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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