so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
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