Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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