He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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