well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I need a beard to bite.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
