she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
