I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
