tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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