I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
