can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Why can't burritos get me drunk
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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