woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
