I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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