He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
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