How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
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