Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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