genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
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