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he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Randomize
