I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Randomize
