So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
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