her vagine was all disorganized.
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
