I wanna bring you to show and tell
So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
