I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Randomize
