I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
