just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
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