Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Randomize
