somebody snuck up and got me drunk
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
