If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Randomize
