the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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