Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
