I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
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