happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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