is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
