her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
