Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Randomize
