the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
