you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
