it wasn't lemon gatorade
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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