i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Randomize
