i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
