Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
