We won't sleep together?
He passed out mid-signature
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
